Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.Now, here is what I...I mean, that other woman... have not been up too...
That woman that you saw taking a deep whiff of the air in that Target bathroom, to 'check' and see if it would be safe to enter...it wasn't me. Not me. No way would I actually subject myself to the gnarly fumes that could be coming from a public bathroom while pregnant. Especially since the last several times that I tried to avoid taking a whiff, actually led to my having to puke in the Target trash can. It wouldn't make sense to actually go in and take a big ol' whiff. Gross.
And, when Tim was telling the kids about a gunman, in a hoodie, with a black handgun, running around the local strip mall, it was not my 3 year old that promptly yelled, "I WANT A GUN!!!" As if having a gunman, in a hoodie, with a black handgun, running around the local strip mall was super cool. No way, he would never ask for guns and swords and things like that for his upcoming 4th birthday. Not my son.
Also, as that nice family of 7 drove home from Bakersfield, back to San Diego, with another, totally different woman, in the front seat of the minivan, having that melt down; not me. I mean, come on! Did you see her?!? She was in such a bad mood, complaining, whining, in tears because her husband chose to pay $2.39 per gallon of gas, instead of stopping at the other station that was only $2.09. Honestly, that is ridiculous. Really? Tears? Over the price of gas? She looked like she needed a nap more than her little boys in the back seat did. And, if you could have read her thoughts, you know the ones that were so crazy that you would have told her husband to run, run like the wind, away from this insane woman, and for Pete's sake, take those sweet kids...well, if you would have been able to read her thoughts you would have known for certain that the crazy woman was obviously NOT ME!
Then, the other woman (Not the one at Target, or the minivan, because then the possiblity of it being the same woman could become real, and there is no way that this woman was me, so...) at Marshalls. Oh, she was a piece of work. She was standing in line to use the bathroom: young teenage girl in front, a mom with her child next, and the grandma in line directly in front of her, and couldn't hold it any longer. She wasn't me, almost 6 months pregnant, considering asking the mom with small child if she could cut in line (she's a mom, she understands), and then waving down her poor husband to come and do her a favor. She did not ask that poor husband to please check the men's bathroom, that was right next to the women's bathroom, so she could ditch this line and deal with the jug of water she had been drinking. No way was it her sweet husband that went in, closed the door behind him as you heard him flushing the toilet, several times, running some water, and then coming out and telling his wife (not me, of course), that he had checked it out for her and even laid down a toilet seat cover for her. She did not come out of that bathroom feeling like a princess, either, because her prince charming had once again saved the day! Those other women must have been so jealous of her, getting to use the men's bathroom, and having a seat cover laid down for her royal heinie. Too bad that she wasn't me, because that husband was sooo cute!
Here's to hoping that next Monday is a little less crazy for that woman. Please join me in prayer for her and that sweet family, because she sure was NOT ME!
8 comments:
I'm rolling off my chair laughing, although I've seen that women cry over gas before, seems she made her way to my house.
Oh my gosh! SOOOOO Funny!! I sadly have to admit that I've had the same issue with my hubby with paying more for gas instead of crossing the street. It has irked me so bad...and I don't even have the excuse of pregnancy hormones. :)
Love your Not Me's! Thanks for stopping by my blog, too.
Blessings,
Ohilda
I especially love the last one...but I do have to say, men's restrooms are so nasty! I don't see how you stood it being in there. Of course, I know if you've gotta go, you gotta go...you have to make a choice, what's worse-going in a men's restroom or in your pants! :-) And how sweet of Tim to go in first and tidy up a bit-even put down the seat cover. :-)
I don't blame you for crying over gas prices...I'm thankful they've gone down some, but it's enough to make you cry, especially when you're pregnant! And 30 cents per gallon is a big difference....
Hope you're having a good Monday and not doing anything embarressing...
Too funny!!!! You write your blog so well. I missed you guys at church yesterday. I love reading you Not Me's, they are so hilarious. Thanks for being honest and sharing those with everyone.
HI VERONICA,
THANKS FOR COMMENTING ON MY LAST POST. I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU SAID. I HAVE TRED TO TALK RO MY HUSBAND SEVERAL TIMES ABOUT WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS AND HIS COMMENTIS ALWAYS THE SAME "PEOPLE IN CHURCH ARE NO GOOD". I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE HAS SEEN THAT MAKES HIM FEEL THIS WAY. HE WAS NOT RAISED IN CHURCH BUT HIS WHOLE FAMILY CLAIMS TO BE CATHOLIC. MAYBE HE SAYS IT BECAUSE HE SEES ALOT OF PEOPLE LIVING TOGETHER, HAVING CHILDREN WHILE THEIR NOT MARRIED, OR MAYBE IT IS BECAUSE HIS COUSIN CLAIMED TO BE SO INTO CHURCH AND ENDED UP GETTING SOMEBODY PREGNANT.ALL I KNOW IS WHEN I TRY TO TALK ABOUT THNGS HE SHUTS DOWN. HIS DADDY LEFT HIS FAMILY IN MEXICO WHEN HE WAS AROUND 9 YEARS OLD AND HE AND THE OTHER CHILDREN WERE RAISED BY HIS MOTHER. HIS FATHER CAM HERE TO WORK AND HAS ONLY BEEN BACK ONE TIME IN 17 YEARS. PLEASE PRAY FOR PEACE ON OUR SITUATION. THANKS, ASHLEY
MENDOZAASHLEY@BELLSOUTH.NET
okay...way too funny!!! I NEVER use the men's bathroom...yeah right...I don't stand in bathroom lines and if any of those other girls had sense they would've snuck over there to the men's before you!....seriously. thanks for the laugh.
Tim posting here:
I'm glad everyone has enjoyed a few laughs at my expense over what can only be described as an impressive work of FICTION. Thus, while I appreciate the shout-out re: my chivalry at Marshall's, I must say that the gas-price post is (unintentionally, I'm sure) misleading, libelous, and truly unbelievable to those who really know me.
First - I pride myself on being economically rational. My kids have heard me rail non-stop about how those obliviots who pay $3.89 at the Shell when the Arco across the street is selling gas for $3.30 are negatively skewing the market by rewarding inefficient business practices (thereby diminishing the efficacy of our efforts to "vote" with our pocketbooks). In other words, cheap gasoline has no bigger advocate than Tim White. And to imply otherwise is calumny of the highest order.
Second - The charming Mrs. White apparently failed to appreciate that my actions were motivated not by fiscal foolishness or naivete, but instead by my overwhelming desire to keep my wife and children (terrestrial and in utero) safe and comfortable.
For the facts are these:
(A) I admit to not having committed to memory every point of ingress and egress along Highway 99 between midtown Bakersfield and the Grapevine, much less the price of gas at each service station along the route. I'll get to it right after I cure cancer.
(B) While leaving Bakersfield on southbound 99, Veronica's sole aim was to find a Sonic fast-food joint so she could get some shake or slurpee-like concoction that apparently is otherworldly. A family member in Bakersfield told me which exit to take to get to Sonic (it should have been visible from the offramp). Well, I take the exit, and there's no Sonic in sight. At this point, Veronica's quickly beginning to show signs of being, ummmm, "tired" (yeah, that's it -- "tired"), and she immediately (and unceremoniously) calls off the Sonic search.
(C) At that point, we were heading home, and the gas tank was a bit over a quarter full (which supposedly should get us around 110 miles or so -- but who knows, especially with the imposing inclines we were about to drive on). We certainly would need to refuel at some point on our trip (and sooner, rather than later). Previously, while driving around Bakersfield the prior day visiting family, I saw several gas stations selling gas for less than $2/gallon. [But that day we were focused on getting to events on time, not on getting gas.] On the non-Sonic exit, gas was going for $2.09. Far from being the fat-cat, big spender that the subject post makes me out to be, I actually was interested in SAVING money on gas that day, and thought that there would be a decent chance of finding something less than $2.09, given the lower prices I had already seen in town (the kids' college funds aren't going to fund themselves). Well, I apparently misjudged how many more exits were left in Bakersfield proper (apparently none), and needless to say, we soon found ourselves at THE LAST exit with gas stations before the long trek up and over the desolate, mountainous Grapevine. And, yes, the gas prices at all four stations there were $2.39. (Horizontal price fixing, anyone?)
(D) So, I quickly found myself on the horns of a dilemma. On the one hand, I absolutely HATED the idea of paying above-market prices for gasoline. But on the other hand, I had my wife and six children to think about. Should I pull a Kosmo Kramer, choose not to fill up, and risk running out of gas with my pregnant wife and young children in the vehicle while traversing the treacherous peaks and valleys of the Mordor-like Grapevine (with Donner Party images flashing through my mind)? Or should I pay the extra twenty cents per gallon (which totaled less than $3.00 extra), to ensure that my family remains safe and sound?
In other words, the central question is whether the assurance of my family's well being is worth more or less than the price of US magazine? To ask the question is to answer it, methinks.
So, ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you today, unwavering in the conviction that my actions on that cold winter day were noble and just, and not an appropriate target of scorn or derision. What say you?
I say you embrace the pregnancy hormones and mail me a dictionary so I can follow your comment! LOL
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