Tim's Recovery

Well, I really thought that by Christmas I would be able to give you all a wonderful report about how miraculous Tim's surgery had been. We knew that recovery would be slow, but in many cases, it seems that it actually may have set Tim back. He is taking much more potent medications and is in A LOT more pain than before the surgery. He has a hard time standing or sitting too long, and it breaks my heart to see him when he wakes up in the morning. It takes him quite awhile to be able to get up and going due to the pain, and having to wait for the pain meds to kick in. It of course has affected every area of his life. He can't work to the degree he would like to work. He can't pick up his sons and play with them the way most Dad's get to. He can't ride the rides at Disneyland with Miguel and Karizma anymore. It also affects our relationship, because it can be so stressful and if we let it, can put a strain on our marriage. We have our bad days, but all in all, our days are blessed. I give all that credit to God and Tim. For Tim to remain so strong, and to continue to work through it all. It actually brings me to tears of absolute gratefulness for his dedication to this family. I know that God has a plan for us, JEREMIAH 29:11, and we will continue to count it all joy...although sometimes it is difficult to do.

I would like to reach out to you all and ask that you pray for Tim on a continual basis. He just doesn't seem to make any progress, is in so much pain, and the past week, or 2 have been very hard on him. We hold out for a miracle and ask Jesus to heal Tim and restore his life so that he can better serve the Lord and start to enjoy his life once again.

We are going to see another doctor for a second opinion and hope that he may be able to offer some options to help Tim manage his pain.

Thanks in advance for taking the time to pray for my husband. We are grateful for your continued support and love. It means so much more than you will ever know.

Their Dramatic Debut

Miguel and Karizma were in their homeschool center play tonight. They did a fantastic job! Miguel played Marty, a boy that attends school with Christy, the main character. He was also part of the band. Karizma played the part of Noelle, the Christmas Angel. She had a solo in the play and we were all shocked when we heard her sing. She definitely did NOT get her skills from me or Tim! This play was about the gift of Salvation: the true reason for Christmas. The reason Jesus came to earth, then died on the cross for each and every one of us!

We are so thankful to all that came out in support. It was a total of 20 people! Our kids were so blessed by your presence.

KARIZMA LOOKED AND SOUNDED LIKE AN ANGEL


MIGUEL 'PLAYED' A MEAN BASS


GRACE CHURCH YOUTH GROUP

Miguel and Karizma did an amazing job and Tim and I couldn't be prouder! The entire cast did great. We must admit that Jonathan Sweet, had us very entertained, too. Wouldn't you agree, Mrs. Rowe? They all were so cute and we were so impressed at how they memorized all their lines and pulled it off flawlessly!

Special thanks to: Grandmom, Auntie, cousins, Omi, and the entire Grace youth group, and even some of the moms, for coming out to support our children. We attend an awesome church and belong to the best family ever!!

The New And IMPROVED Jingle Bells

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, Jesus is on the way...
The little ones are weak
But He is strong
Jesus is on the way.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, Jesus is on the way...
We love Him
and we go to church
and we learn about Him-m-m.


This is the version of jingle bells that I caught Walker, our 4 year old, singing to himself earlier today. It made me realize how important it is to make sure we instill the importance of the real reason of Christmas in our children. Walker's song lifted me out of a 'mommy funk' and into a mode of rejoicing in the job the Lord has set before me: To raise up Godly children.

I still have faith in man

My good friend (motivator/encourager/etc.), Michelle O., has been 'mall-walking' and seeing results, so I decided to join her. I even took it upon myself one Saturday afternoon to go alone while Tim went to Costco. As I was walking around the mall, I would smile and say hello to everyone I would pass. I have really tried to extend the simple kindess of a smile wherever I go now. It really does wonders for me, and I hope for others. Well, today was confirmation to me that people are still willing to be friendly, and just need a little push sometimes.

I decided to take a little poll as I walked to see how many people would say hello back and how many would not. I did not have high expectations, but 9 out of 10 people not only said hello back, but smiled, too. It was such a nice way to spend my time as I was so bummed I had forgotten to bring my IPOD! I spent the time people watching, smiling, and praising Jesus for his gift of eternal life to me. What a blessing I have in His love, in His sacrifice for me, and the least I can do is spread that to others. I know that I should have stopped at some point and shared more than a smile, I should have shared Jesus...but I do believe a smile and a hello was a good place to start.

Sorry, sorry, sorry

I am so sorry it has been SO LONG since I have posted. To say I have been busy, would be saying the absolute least. It has been a good busy, though. Home schooling, playgroup events, church obligations, family get togethers, school meetings and tomorrow is Miguel and Karizma's first time in a play. Their dramatic debut. I can't wait to blog about that. Thanks for checking in on us, and for asking what was going on and why haven't I posted... It made me know how much you care.

Love you all!

HAPPY DAY

November 4th, 2007...truly a happy day for the White family! Not only was it Tim's 31st birthday, but it is the day that our children, Miguel and Karizma, and our brother and sister, Dan and Natalie were baptized.

Tim turns 31! I praise Jesus for this man, whom is my best friend. I love you, baby.






It was such a blessing to witness this act of obedience from our children and our brother and sister-in-law.

Hallelujah Hoedown 2007

We attended the Hallelujah Hoedown last night, put on by MVCF. Dan, Natalie, her grandma, and their kids came. Grandmom and Grandad also came to hang out with their 8 grand-munchkins, and saved the night with some Starbucks. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Left to right: Cousin-Tristan, friend-Josiah, our 'little stinker' (skunk)-Walker, our Humpty Dumpty-Zack, our blue dinosaur-Christian, and cousin-Skyler
Humpty-Dumpty sat on a wall...
Humpty-Dumpty had a great...Time!All the king's horses and all the kings men, praised our Lord Jesus, and shouted AMEN!

Bumbo Recall

Have you heard about this? The Bumbo recall? I guess babies have been falling off of high tables and such while sitting in one of them. You wouldn't think it has anything to do with a parent being careless and leaving their children in a object they consider to be a 'babysitter"(literally, ha ha), would you? How can we fault a product for the lack of intelligence in a parent?

San Diego County Fires

San Diego sure has had a very sad week. So many homes lost, residents displaced, and people in limbo wondering if their homes are still standing. We are so thankful for the firefighters out here risking their lives to help keep our beautiful city standing. Thank God for them, indeed.

We are all doing well. We did pack our vehicles Sunday night with what we consider our valuables, just to be on the safe side. (To be honest, Walker was so sick and dehydrated that he was our primary concern. We ended up taking him into the ER on Monday morning so he could receive an IV of fluids. He is doing MUCH better now!) We could see the fire going crazy on Mt. Miguel just a couple of miles away. Most of our neighbors evacuated at that point. The neighboring areas, within about 2-3 miles have been evacuated, and we are just standing by. I will admit we unloaded the car last night feeling pretty safe, but Rancho SD was evacuated last night, so...you never know. We do live about 1 mile in from the reservoir, so that is a real blessing. It, and the firefighters consistent work to put out the fire on the
westside of Mt. Miguel, were the reasons that the homes on the 'Point' were saved.

The boys are oblivious to what is going on. They know that their are fires out there, but are not worried at all. They have been enjoying watching all the helicopters with the buckets dipping into the reservoir and watching them dump it on the flames. Ahh, to have the security of a child!

Thanks for all your prayers, concerns, and offers of help. I had no idea we had so many friends, or homes to evacuate to! We are truly blessed, and we thank God for you all!

Unfailing Love

You have my heart
And I am yours forever
You are my strength
God of grace and power

And everything
You hold in Your hand
Still You make time for me
I can't understand

Praise You, God of earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love
And You never change, God, You remain
The Holy One and my unfailing love
Unfailing love

You are my rock
The One I hold on to
You are my song
And I sing for You

And everything
You hold in Your hand
Still You make time for me
I can't understand

Praise You, God of earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love

These are lyrics from one of Chris Tomlin's songs. It really overwhelms me sometimes to listen to it. To know that God always has time for me. That he finds me important enough to always be there for me.

One of my favorite verses in the bible is Psalm 18:6, "In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From His temple He heard my voice; my cry came before Him, into His ears." I love to close my eyes and imagine myself whispering in God's ear, crying out to Him for help, and Him hearing my each word. I just had to take a minute to say how amazing I find our God, that he loves me this much.

My Future Daugther In Law

The other night Walker, Tim, and I lay in bed chit-chatting. Walker, out of the blue, asks me who his wife is going to be. Tim answers him by saying that only God knows that. He asked what she is going to look like. Again, Tim responds with letting him know that only God knows. I told Walker that I pray for him and his brothers future wives. I told him that I pray that God protect her and keep her safe and pure, and that he keep her heart only for Walker. He asked a few more questions, then said he wanted us to pray for his wife. He prays, "Jesus, please keep my wife safe and pure and keep her heart only for me. In Jesus name, Amen." Tim and I were so blessed at this moment. To know that he is already praying for that wonderful woman that we know will bless our son with love, joy, and ....OUR FUTURE GRANDCHILDREN!!!

Consider HIM

Consider Him. In all you do, consider Him. I heard this tonight at bible study, and it really struck a cord within me. I know that I need to seek Jesus in all I do, but these 2 simple words really stayed with me. I need to consider Him in each step, word, thought. I have the choice to lean on my own understanding or consider HIM! What a blessing to know that I live in a country where I can praise Jesus freely, and carry a bible around in public. What a privilege to have the honor of considering Jesus in all I do.

Look Who's At Grace Church!

Dan, my brother in law, attended our church for the first time, with all 3 kids in tow! They were all so well behaved, and Dan really impressed me with how great of a Daddy he is. Natalie had to work at the cart this particular Sunday, but joined us this past week. We look forward to lots more Sunday's with them all!

Time to fellowship with Donuts in hand

Tristan helping out Tia in the nursery

My little guys...ready to go home

(Read on to see pics from Disneyland)

Zack's 1st Visit To Disneyland

God is SO GOOD! Money has been tight since Tim had the surgery. He can't make out of town trips now, and these were the source of our 'fun' money. Most of you know that Disneyland, to our family, is definitely the Happiest Place On Earth! We had wanted to take Zack to Disneyland for his 1st birthday, December 7th, however, God provided us with free passes 3 months early!! Thanks bunches to the Chege family! We had the best time. We loved the Nemo ride, even if we had to wait in line for an hour. Walker and Christian both got to ride the Matahorn for the 1st time and really liked it. Thank God, since we are a rollercoaster loving family. Walker and I got to ride the new Space Mountain for the 1st time and it is awesome!! Tim was pretty sore and achy at the end of the day, but he hung on. Lastly, to prove that Disneyland is totally wonderful, Zack lost his first pair of ears there that day, but one week later we got them back in the mail! Pretty cool, huh?

Heartland's Got Heart

Today was Miguel's flag football team's first game. It was so much fun. Seeing our boys out there, warming up, getting excited, so confident. Then, as they were stretching out...THEY showed up. These guys had to be some of the biggest 14 years olds we had ever seen (our boys ranged from age 11-14). My husband is 6 foot and even he looked a bit on the small side next to these guys. The boys, did not lose heart, but they seemed a bit..umm...concerned. I reminded our team to look at it from David's prespective, "They are your Goliath, boys!". Just before the game was about to start against The Rock Academy, both teams, along with the referrees and league officials, got together in the middle of the field to pray. Now that was such a blessing! You all should have seen my handsome son out there! He had just gotten a military style haircut and looks so much older without his glasses(he got contacts last week!). Miguel played tough, and I was so impressed at how well he played...I think the position is: line backer. During the first play, Miguel was up against a guy about 1 foot taller..and much bigger...I think Miguel surprised him, though. Miguel was able to knock the guy down and protect his quarterback. I never thought I would enjoy seeing my son do something so physical towards another person, but in all honestly, I loved it! At one point he was up against a guy that, NO KIDDING, had to be about 6 feet, 250 lbs, and he told me he knew he had to try hard to keep this guy away from the quarterback. He said that that he was barely able to tap before he just barreled Miguel over. He did not lose heart, though!

The final score was 12-6, The Rock. However, the boys played with so much heart. I couldn't have been prouder! We even had a man and his son, that just happened to be passing by and watched the game, approach Miguel and tell him that he had never seen anyone play like that. He said it was amazing to watch a team with so much heart on the field. He told Miguel that he really enjoyed watching them give 100% the whole time and that he was so impressed with how both teams had such awesome sportsmanship. This is one of the reasons I was so happy to have Miguel play with this league. They are already showing the love of Christ out there! I am one proud Mama. I am also so thankful to all the people that showed up to support our boys!! Including my parents, my sister, Mrs. Rowe and her husband (the kids teacher), Aaron (the kids youth leader from church), Kelsey, Ericka, Jenni (girl's from our church), and so many students and their parents. We had a packed group of 'cheerleaders'. Heartland played flawlessly in my eyes because they never lost heart! Our coaches are amazing role models! GO ANGELS!

'Mexican Guy'

Recently, I showed my 4 year old son, Walker, a picture of a traditional outfit a mexican-indian would wear back in the day. You know: the sombrero, the sarape, the white pants, the guaraches (sandals to you white folk). Well, he fell in love with it and wants me to go get him an outfit like it. "I want to be a mexican guy for the Pall Pestibal, Mom." That's Fall Festival for those of you that can say your F's right. Since we don't celebrate Halloween, we attend a Fall Festival at the kids homeschool center and then a 'Hoedown' at our friends' church in the evening. It is so much fun to do these alternative activities and see all the kids dressed up as something other than goblins and devils. So, don't be surprised if you see a little mexican guy walking along with us...it's just our Walker. Now, to find the costume...guess we will hit Mexico for the authentic stuff! Chicklet, anyone? (If you are looking for something to do on Oct 31st that will be safe and fun for the kids, let me know, i'll give you info on great activities to do as a family)

Finding Nemo

Well, I did it! I finally took the 'plunge' and got in the pool for my swimming lessons. I was expecting to be scared out of my mind, but I know that all the prayers and God's strength were covering me like a blanket of support. I am really pleased with how much I accomplished my 1st lesson. In just 30mins, I was submerging myself underwater completely, floating on my back and tummy, and swam a couple of strokes to the edge of the pool. Amazing for a girl that figured swimming would just never be one of the 'TO DO' things crossed off my list. But, I did it! As I was leaving the YMCA and walking to my car, I was overcome with this joy. I tried not to cry until I got to the car, but did not make it. I was just brimming with excitement all the way home and praising God for the opportunity He gave me and for using my in-laws to find the Nemo within me.

Today was my 2nd lesson and I knew my instructor would want me to just go for it. Within the 1st 10mins I was swimming 15 feet by myself. Unbelieveable!! She taught me how to swim the freestyle, then taught me how to do the elementary back stroke. I can't say I could save myself quite yet if I were to be in a drowning situation, but my confidence is THROUGH THE ROOF and I truly look forward to getting in the pool each time. The only thing I have not tried, and am having a hard time conquering, is going to the deep end. She is going to teach me how to tread water next week. Pray for me, please!

God was bigger than my fear. God has never given me the spirit of fear. However, He took it from me and used so many wonderful people to encourage me and lift me up in prayer. I am looking forward to doing all the fun things I have missed for so many years. The best part is seeing how proud of me Tim and the kids are. They make me feel like I have just conquered Goliath in battle. In many ways my fear of the water was like a big giant...but now I have knocked it right out of my life!! Hallelujah!

Zack and Karizma's Swim Progress

Karizma is doing so well! Although she already knew how to swim, she did not know how to do it properly. She has gained a lot of confidence in herself and practices as often as she can. I am very proud of our sweet girl!!




Zack was our little Nemo. Because he is so little, he knows nothing about fear. So, he would go underwater and not even bat an eyelash. However, he was taking in so much of that chlorinated water that he started to get sick. He wouldn't eat, he would vomit regularly and lost 1/3 of a pound over the 2 weeks that swim lessons were happening. After 3 doctor's visits and 1 ER visit, Tim and I have decided to pull him from swim lessons. Every doctor, except our very trusted pediatrician, said that the pool was not the reason for his getting sick. However, my mommy instincts said different. When I finally got an appointment to see our own pediatrician, he fully supported me and said that he recommended pulling Zack from swim lessons. "Why take the chance?" Well, since stopping the lessons, last week, Zack has been eating like a champ, hasn't even spit up once, and is our happy little guy now. Like Dr. Mattson said, "He doesn't need the lessons now. He can take them later." This is true. We just wanted him to have the lessons to become used to the water, and not be afraid. We have been going to the pool so often lately to practice, so we will continue to bring Zack in the water, too, just no underwater dips for now. We have an appointment with Dr. Mattson later today...we will see if he gained any weight since Friday.

Sure will miss seeing those big blue eyes peering at me from under the water. Can't wait for next summer!!

Swim Lesson Progress

Walker has improved SO much in just 4 lessons. He told his teacher, after his first underwater dive today, that he was trying to keep his eyes open to make his Mommy proud. Can anyone say teary eyed at the Bubble's Pool? Pride was written all over my face!!




Christian is no longer afraid of the pool. He actually starts to whine when we tell him class is over. He is staying underwater longer and jumping into the pool now!



Miguel has improved the most, I think! He is really starting to get the technique down for the freestyle. He was goofing around during some downtime and doing handstands. Wonder how long before I can do one of those. By the way there will NOT be any pics of me during my swim lessons, thank you very much! I will post pics of Karizma and Zack next time.

Labor Day Fun

QB (Christian) walking our dog, Harlan, with his big sister, Karizma.



Tim took Walker out to learn how to ride his bike. It was such a blessing to see my family out enjoying this beautiful Labor Day!

What 'fun' thing did you do this Labor Day? Post a comment, I'd love to read all about it!!

Girls vs. Boys

We are the champions...AGAIN!


Tim made the adults some Mudslides..yummy. I think this may be what gave Grandmom an edge at winning!!

We have played Pictionary with Grandmom and Grandad a few times now. They came over last night for another round. Girls vs. Boys, although Walker is always on the girls team for some reason. Anyway, the girls are triumphant everytime!! (Even when Walker guessed one of the boys clues and 'helped' them out...the little traitor!) Looking forward to the next time, boys!

Tio Manny & Tia Susan's Visit

We had the pleasure of visiting with my brother, Manny and sister-in-law, Susan this past Friday and Saturday. Zack cried at the first sight of his Tio, but by the end of the day they were the best of buddies!

Zack warmed up to his Tia Susan the second he saw her, though. She is much prettier than Manny, I must admit.

We were so blessed to get a chance to hang out with them. For those of you that don't know, my brother lives up in Clovis (near Fresno) and is an Army recruiter. Susan is now a nurse and they are looking forward to starting their family when God sees fit to bless them with a baby. We look forward to that day!!!! They are always a blessing and we are so grateful to have them in our lives.

Tio Temo and Tia Jackie also visited this weekend. We always get so caught up in conversation, that I forget to take pictures. I will have to make sure to take some next time so I can post pictures of Tia Jackie's growing belly! We CAN'T WAIT to meet our little B.Lo. Yes, I said OUR B.LO., y que?!? (Special thanks to Jackie and Temo for helping me FINALLY add pics to my blog! Woohoo!)

Bumb's Away

No...this is not a typo. It really was 'bumb's away' tonight off of one of La Jolla's beautiful and scenic cliffs. Bumbo that is. You know, the cool ingenious baby seat that came out a few years ago? We were picnicing with my brother, Manny, and my sister-in-law, Susan when it happened. I had Zack sitting in his Bumbo, when I lifted him out of it, the Bumbo tipped over and starting rolling. It caught momentum and before we knew it, it had gone over the cliff. Man, can those things roll!! Anyway, there I was standing a few feet from the edge bidding farewell to one of my favorite baby items. I mean, come on, it was in the ocean now...never to be seen again. I called Miguel on his cell to tell him about my sad situation (they had gone on a walk to see the seals). He walked out onto the beach, went treading through the water, and fished out our blue Bumbo. My hero! He has always been my little hero. Anyone who knows Miguel knows he is so reliable, and so smart, and so willing to go the extra mile for anyone. He always does for me. All's well, that ends well.

Say This One 3 Times Fast

'The Mighty Green Gator Dragon Winner's of the World' soccer team. Quite a mouthful for a handful of 4 year olds, but this is the name that Walker's soccer team came up with. It is a collection of 4 great minds! Walker decided last week that when they chose team names he really wanted 'Winner's of the World'. I have no idea where that came from. However, when the coach tried to take a vote, Walker just did not understand why everybody wasn't going crazy over his choice. Our wise Coach Todd, decided to just combine all the suggestions and roll it into one. In my 10 years of being a soccer Mom, I have never seen such an interesting, creative, and LONG name! I am so excited to see what this micro soccer team will do next!

Walker did really well at practice, but Tim did warn the Coach's wife that Walker is quite the talker. Walker wanted to talk to the coach the whole time. The coach seems very patient and lots of fun, so I think he will be a real blessing. We are thankful to have Walker's best buddies on the team....Josiah and Jimmy. This is going to be a FUN season. Well, except for trying to keep our most athletic child, Christian, whom is only 2, off the field. He, in my unbiased opinion (no, really), was the best out there, but he isn't quite old enough. He dribbles his soccer ball around the house, the yard, the street and now we have to tell him to not do it at the one place that would be the most natural, the soccer field. Thank God that Miguel and Karizma distracted him at the swings and slides. If he is this good at 2, Tim and I can't wait to see what he can do at 3! Watch out world!

Now, for the latest on MIGUEL'S football team. Their name is going to be the 'Heartland Angels'. It didn't start out that way. Miguel had suggested 'Warriors', WHICH I LOVED, but one of the boys suggested 'Heartbreakers'. Well, this got the majority vote and they were the 'Heartbreakers' for one night. Then one of the boys suggested pink jersey's with purple lettering so they could "stand out!" They sure would have! I wish you could have seen Miguel's face when all this was going on. I don't need to mention what Tim was saying at this point. Anyway, on the way home from practice, I started to think about the team name and what it represented. Did these Godly group of young boys want to represent their school with this negative term? Tim described the word best: Unhumbling. I prayed about it, and decided that although nothing may be done about the name, that I should voice my opinion as a parent and called our AWESOME team Mom, Staci. She said she was glad I called, because it was confirmation to what she had been thinking, too. (Great Mom's think alike.) The next morning she pulled the boys into a meeting and the team discussed this issue. Did they want to be linked to this negative term? Would God want them representing the school as the 'Heartbreakers'? She explained that they should choose a positive name, one that they would be proud of. Of course there were a few moans and groans, but this is an AWESOME group of young boys and they know what God expects of them. Granted, I would have LOVED the tough sounding 'Warriors', but 'Angels' is definitely positive. This sure is an interesting group of boys. By the way, the shirts will NOT be pink and purple. Thank you, Jesus! They are going to be gold and white. I hope you can come check out one of Miguel's games. They are quickly developing into a really great team! The coaches are a true blessing and nothing was more touching than to see our boys kneel down in the middle of the field and pray among so many other boys out there. They are being great witnesses to God's love by their actions and their Godly character, and I am such a proud Mom!

'Mommy Salami'

I love this nickname that Walker gave me a few weeks ago! He has been on a ryhming spree for almost a year, and is getting pretty inventive. He even calls me his 'beautiful queen' sometimes. I don't remember Miguel or Karizma ever calling me anything other than Mommy (which I totally miss) or Mom. Walker is our 'slick' child. He is quite charming and he knows he has me right where he wants me when he calls me his queen. However, Mommy Salami is my favorite, because I find he is saying it more to try and be funny, but it is starting to stick.

"The Most Fun I Have Ever Had, Mom"

This was Miguel's first comment to me after his 1st practice for football. Many of you know he is on the homeschool centers flag football team and he was so excited to get started. I truly am filled with pride where Miguel is concerned. As I watched him practice, I saw so much heart and commitment. He is taking this seriously, as he should, by giving it his all each and everytime. Thanks to all of you that have sponsored him so generously this football season! He is so humbled by your kindess. We all are. He is looking forward to making you all very proud. We will keep you updated on the team's name, progress, and games.

On another note, my 3 other sons also had a fun first today. Thanks to Tim's parents, they are all taking swim lessons. Most of you know I am TERRIFIED of the water, so watching my little guys learning to not adopt my fear is such a blessing. Walker and Christian were very brave and respectful of their teachers. They were a bit apprehensive, but did their best to not show it until they were in Mommy's arms. Zack was a champ!! At 8 months old he was a bit startled when taken under water, but would recover quickly and never cried or seemed upset. They all did a few times under water...at their 1st lesson! Awesome! Miguel and Karizma will take lessons on how to improve their swimming, starting next week. I had them learning how to swim as infants as well, but after awhile I did not have access to a pool, so they could definitely use a refresher. My wonderful in-laws have offered to have me take lessons as well. Tim has not given me the option of backing out this time. I have 'promised' I would learn to swim by our wedding...then postponed for my 30th birthday...and then again postponed until my 40th. Looks like God has other plans and seems like I may finally get my feet wet at 35 years old. I will make sure to keep you updated on that one, since it is sure to be interesting!

This was the day that the Lord had made, I truly rejoiced and was glad in it!!!

Mama's Milk All Gone

Well, I did give it a wholehearted try. However, Zack and his tooth were just too much. Plus, Zack seemed to treat me more like a chew toy than a source of nourishment. I knew he wasn't going to be getting his meals from me, but I was hoping to be able to get the comfort nursing up again. I realized there are many ways to cuddle and bond with my sweet little boy, so I bid goodbye to nursing Zack much sooner than I had hoped, but thanking God for the opportunity to have shared this with my son.

p.s. He popped his 2nd tooth yesterday, so I definitely don't feel bad!

I Will Post Pictures Soon, I Promise!

OK, I finally had a very dear friend show me how to list things on eBay yesterday. Thanks, Tara! So, my next thing on 'things to learn' list is how to post pictures on my blog. I can't wait to display pictures of my sweet 5 arrows and be able to give you all a REAL look into our lives.

Thanks for your patience!

To Nurse Or Not To Nurse

I was reading a magazine I love today, Above Rubies (a magazine meant to encourage mother's) and it hit me. I am not ready to give up nursing my Zack. I have had to supplement him with formula since he was 4.5 months old and he had started to show signs of weaning himself from the breast. So, I nursed him for the last time almost 3 weeks ago. In this magazine there were some cute stories about nursing babies, and I thought to myself, "I wonder if Zack would still be willing to indulge me in this area." I so love to nurse my babies. I have been able to nurse my last 2 sons until 14 months of age. I am just not ready to give up yet. So, tomorrow morning, I will reintroduce mama's milk and see what Zack thinks. Should be fun now that he has a tooth. That may be the deciding factor.

Pain Continues

Well, Tim proves to be a remarkably strong person as each week passes. He seems to go through a new hurdle everytime I turn around, but handles it all with such strength. There are days where I feel so overwhelmed and have to rely on family and friends to bring me back from my pity party. Tim's parents are always helping out and available to us. My parents have gone as far as to start taking Walker and Christian 1 day and night a week to give me a breather. I am very blessed.

However, his back pain continues....in FULL FORCE. I know I must rely on God and will do my best to focus on that when I see him suffering. He is taking a whole lot more pain medication post op than he was taking before. Please keep him in your prayers.

Recovery...Long Road Ahead

We went to see Tim's neurosurgeon last week, and he reassured us that recovery is a very long process. I suppose we had hoped for instant gratification and were dissapointed when it did not go as planned. The doctor told Tim to expect to maybe not feel a lot better until 6 months after the surgery, and to add a little more time because he had to undergo the 2nd surgery, as well. As crazy as this sounds, this gave us hope. We know that his surgery was very invasive and that having your ribs spread apart would be a long healing process. He is taking stronger meds than last time, however his pain seems better managed. He does complain of more pain, though. I worry about him, because he masks so much and I am afraid he will push himself too hard, and possibly put any progress he has made in jeopardy. I take that back; he actually has been really good about resting when he needs to, and not working to long at the office. His firm has been so supportive and understanding. We owe them so much. I thank God for them. Well, I suppose now it is a waiting game. A game of just trusting the Lord and praying for 2008 to be pain free...or to have God help us deal with whatever lies ahead.

Walker Turns 4!

Our little boy is growing up! It truly seems like just yesterday that we were in the hospital holding this sweet baby. Feeling so overwhelmed with joy. Walker continues to fill us with happiness. He is so funny and smart. He truly challenges us all. He had a birthday party with his friends on Wednesday at a kids clubhouse (slides/dress up/climbing structures). We then had lunch and gifts at McDonald's. He got a play mop from Zack and proceeded to mop up McD's right then and there. He was so excited when he opened up the vacuum we had gotten for him. A kid after my own heart! It was so nice to hang out with all the kids and their parents.

Last night was his actual birthday and we had a birthday dinner with the grandparents since they did not attend his party. He requested spaghetti for dinner and had a chance to hang with Uncle Chris and Tia Elisa for awhile. He loves all the attention. He got some cool stuff! G.I.Joes from the Reyes family and a Big Wheel from Grandparents White. I can't wait to see him speeding around on that soon. We got him a work bench complete with a ton of tools and him and Christian have not stopped fixing things around the house. He just left to go to the grocery store with Tim complete with his tool belt in case they need to fix something while he is gone.

They all grow up so fast. I long for the days I could hold him as he slept. I thank God he still seeks to be held and loved by me. He is such an affectionate child. Quite the talker, too. I guess that is what we get for calling him Walker Talker all the time.

Rocking With the Cat-illacs

Our neighbor is the lead singer/guitarist for a local band, 'The Cat-illacs'. They have been playing around SD for years. I remember seeing them at the fair as a kid. Anyway, now my kids LOVE them and think that Mr. Loftus, our neighbor, is a rockstar. (especially since he rides a Harley) We occasionally go see them play around town. We just went this past Thursday with some friends of ours, the Ortiz Family. We got to sit up front. We had a blast! Tim did pretty ok, although towards the end his back was getting pretty achy. Zack had a good time, just hanging out in his Bumbo and kissing Miss Santee when she came to steal a dance. Miguel and Karizma loved hanging out with Mr. Ortiz. He makes them laugh. Walker, who considers himself quite the dancer, spent most of his time dancing with Kelsey or doing some 'freestyle' as he calls it. If you ever get the chance, ask him for a sample. It is not something you want to miss. (eat your heart out Elaine Benes) Christian, as always, was Walker's shadow, so he mirrored pretty much everything his big brother did. It was such a blessing to get out with the family and do something fun. We are so blessed to live in San Diego. The weather and all the stuff to do here are awesome!

Tim In For Final Xray

Tim went into to have his last chest xray taken on Tuesday. The doctor said he looks really good. The nurse said there is still a little bit of fluid, but that he is doing really well and it should be gone soon. His incisions are healing quickly. Although he is still in a quite a bit of pain, the medication really helps. He says that his chest and side are still pretty sore from the surgeries. He has been having continued back pain, so you can imagine that it discourages us at times. We have to really focus on leaving it all to God, or else we would feel like our lives would never be what we had hoped. He spoke with the doctor that performed the surgery on Monday and he encouraged us by letting us know it can take up to 6 months before that pain would be gone. He said that recovery is very long and along with it goes the pain. So, that gave us a lot of hope that Tim did not go through the surgery for nothing. We know it was needed. His legs are no longer feeling the numbness from before, so that alone was worth the surgery. He is enjoying his time off, but said he misses the intellectual side of his work. I am really proud of all the progress he is making and he is starting to make it more quickly now. It seems that the 1st two weeks went by very slowly, but he is starting to do much better. I know much of it is due to everyone praying. Thank you all so much.

Zack's Turn in the Hospital

I am starting to feel like the hospital is my 2nd home. Yesterday I had to take Zack to the ER because I noticed that his soft spot on his head was buldging. He had a pretty high fever the night and day before, so I did not want to take any chances. Checking on the internet advised going to the ER because these are signs of Meningitis. So, off to the ER at 3am. By 7:30am, Zack had had a catscan (he slept through it), was admitted to the hospital, and then had a spinal tap done (he was such a brave little soldier...this was the first time in his life I really heard him cry). The doctors let us know that the test had all come back normal. However, they were stumped by the bulge and did not want to let him go until they ran some more tests. I was so tired, but the visits from Tim's parents and my Mom kept me distracted. Thanks, Moms and Dad! Zack also had some blood drawn. They ran tests to check for toxins and some rare forms of things that could be affecting him. Those also came back normal. All 4 pediatricians that had seen Zack at this point, still had no answer, but felt it was something we should keep checking on because there was no change. His fever did break finally.

At about 3:30pm my Mom showed up, with food, and held Zack for awhile. That is when I noticed the buldge start to change. While he slept it was almost back to normal. Then, while awake, it would buldge out again. I must mention that during this whole ordeal, Zack continued to be his happy, very content self. The nurses and doctors kept commenting on what a happy little boy he is. This was one of the factor's that was giving the doctors a hard time finding out what was going on. Zack just did not have any symptoms that showed he was suffering from any of the things that would go along with the buldging. The pediatric nuerologist was the next in line to poke and prod at our little boy. Zack found him interesting, because this doctor encouraged Zack to play, sit up, and show off his 'baby tricks'. He wanted to make sure Zack was meeting his milestones for his age(he just turned 6 months today). He was impressed that Zack was sitting up. The doctor said he was going to order an MRI and that this would require general anesthesia. Well, as you can imagine, I was now really perplexed. I have read how risky it is to have to put an infant under. I prayed to have the wisdom of what God would want me to do. As He always answers prayer. Our awesome pediatrician of over 7 years calls us up and says, "Veronica, I know you. I know what kind of mom you are and I know you want to avoid putting Zack under more stress if it is not needed. Since he seems to be getting better, how do you feel about being discharged and just seeing me tomorrow? We will keep up on it, but since he seems to be doing so well, let's not subject him to putting him under. It can be risky for his age." I wanted to cry and hug the doctor over the phone. It had been what I was praying for. He had to get the nuerologist's ok, but he sounded confident it would be alright. I need to mention that our pediatrician is a Christian, so this gave me added comfort. We were discharged and Tim and I took our littlest guy home.

This morning when Zack woke up he was back to 100% himself. No buldge. Thank you, Jesus! I am so grateful. We will keep an eye on his softspot, but did not feel the need for an MRI and subjecting our baby to such risk was worth it at this point. Tim, our pediatrician, and I agreed that if it were to happen again, an MRI would be the next step. However, for now he is our happy little Zack. The baby that NEVER cries...well, except for yesterday. (The nuerologist could not believe that I hadn't really heard Zack cry until that day. I admitted we are a family that are constantly tending to him, so he is always content and happy, and has no reason to cry.) Thanks to all the family and friends that prayed for us YET AGAIN. You are so faithful to us. We love you.

Tim is Improving

Tim had an appointment this past Wednesday. He saw the nurse practitioner and she pulled off the bandages that were covering his chest tube incision. There was more bleeding than the nurse would have expected. She cleaned it up, gave us some things to take home for the dressings, and we headed home feeling a bit confused. I think everything has been such a blur, and we expect for the nurses or doctors to tell us everything we would need to know. We feel like if we don't ask, we won't get told. I suggested to Tim that we call back the following day and let them know about the bleeding and make sure he gets seen before the week is over. He did call them, and an appointment for Friday was scheduled. We went in and when the dressing was removed, the chest tube incision looked a lot better this time around, and no bleeding. This nurse, Cheryl, was so nice and informative. She answered my questions before I could ask them. Now that's what i'm talking about! She said everything looked good, but wanted Tim to have another chest xray done to make sure everything looks good internally as well. The xray proved that he is not 100% yet, but she did say it looked better than it had the week before. She said that when they see him again in about a week, she expects it will improve.

Tim has been complaining about back pain since Thursday night. He said he knows that the site where they removed part of the disc would be inflamed. He said it could be the pain that Dr. Uciyama described as pain the spine has in its memory, which happens for the first few weeks after surgery. He is trying to be positive, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit worried that the surgery did not take.

It has been a long week for us all. The kids are always so gracious and helpful. I do have my moments of being so tired, or exhausted from lack of sleep. The baby is sleeping fine, so is Tim. However, I can't seem to get to sleep myself. The stress seems more real now than the past year of pain or the time in the hospital. I will just try and concentrate on how proud I am of Miguel and Karizma for making honor roll again this year. All four quarters! I will also try and think about how excited I am that Walker will be 4 on the 21st. Wow, it flew by. He is such a little man. He makes me so happy to be his Mommy.

Pregnant or Nursing For Over 59 Months Now!

For over 5 years now I have been either pregnant or nursing. So, my body has not been my own for a very long time (minus only 2 months between a miscarriage and getting pregnant with Walker...that is 59months total now). Of course, while I am pregnant I have to avoid sushi, which I love. Then when I am nursing I have to watch what I eat and see how it affects my newborn. With Walker it was dairy. I had to avoid pretty much all dairy for the entire time I nursed him, which was 14months. It wasn't too bad because I could enjoy yogurt or pizza without him getting fussy. With Christian it was also dairy, but I couldn't have ANY dairy. Even a couple of spoonfuls of ice cream would make him have the worst tummy aches a few hours after having nursed. Well, Zack has been really easy. I have been able to have all the dairy I want this time. However, the other night he just would not sleep well. He has been sleeping well since birth, so I blamed it on teething. He is an extremely happy and content baby. Never is fussy, never cries. Honestly, we have only seen him cry real tears twice (and each time it was only a tear or two). Anyway, with Tim being home from the hospital, I had been extra exhausted. I needed my sleep. I finally figured it out. I had had onions on my omlette's 2 mornings in a row. Poor little guy. No more onions for mommy. That is an easy one to give up. He is now sleeping like an angel once again.

Finally Back Home

Tim was discharged this morning and was in bed by 12:15pm. He is resting comfortably now, but wakes up every 10 minutes to remind me what time he is supposed to get his next dose of pain medication. His Mom spent the night with him, once again, and called me this morning to let me know he was doing a lot better. She said he even took a few laps around the main floor without the walker. By the time I got there, he was already dressed and ready to go. He was even concerned about not having gel for his hair. Thank God for his Mom..she had lots of hair products. How do you fit all that stuff in your purse, Mom? Better yet, how do you manage to get a purse with so much stuff, over your shoulder without falling over?!

Walker and Christian are up at Gramita and Grandpapa's house for awhile. Miguel, Karizma, and Zack are hanging out at home with us. I know the boys will have a blast up in the mountains. Thanks so much to my Mom and Dad for their help, too. I know that it takes someone with a lot of love to change one of Christian's infamous diapers.

On a proud mommy note, Zack sat up by himself yesterday. He did it a few times, then gave us a look that said, "I have had enough." He is growing up so fast. They always do. That is why I am so adament about holding them as often as possible. I know many people think that it's not the best thing for a baby...but I have learned that they don't expect for you to hold them all the time once they reach the age of being able to get around on their own. So, I will just hug my little guy as much as possible. Children truly are a gift from God!

Hiccups

Yesterday was a really, really good day. Except for the hiccups, right Timmy? Tim was more himself yesterday. We even watched a couple of Seinfeld espisodes together. When he laughs it sounds like he is in lots of pain, so he tried not to. He was out of ICU by 11am and back into the same room on the main floor. He had great care on the main floor this time. The day before that was not one we want to remember. He took several laps around the floor today and the pain is being managed really well. Again, except for the hiccups. (Everytime Tim tried to eat today-breakfast, lunch, dinner-he would get this VIOLENT case of hiccups. The doctor came up to check it out. So Tim says to him, "It happens each time I take a couple of bites. Within seconds the hiccups start. Want me to take a few bites so you can see?" The doctor said yes, he took lots of bites, but of course they did not return. I hate when that happens. It happens each time I take my car to my Dad with a funny 'sound'. I tell him it is making this or that noise, and he sits in my car, and of course...nothing wrong with it while he is in it. Then I drive home and it starts again. I go back to my Dad, etc...it is a vicious cycle. Tim was upset that they, the hiccups, did not return for the doctor. I told him as long as they never come back, who cares. Matter resolved. We will have to see how breakfast goes.) He had a chest xray taken earlier in the day and it came back clear. He is really determined to make it home by Sunday which is our 6th Anniversary. When I take a look back at how much we have gone through together, in those 6 years...it blows my mind. We are so blessed!

I am so amazed at how many people have been praying for him. Too many for me to count or even know personally. He has several church groups, women's bible studies, familes, friends and their families and friends praying for him all the time. I am here to tell you that prayer works. What could have been a truly stressful time for me, God made a peaceful one. Of course I had my moments, but I would just quickly retreat back to thanking God instead of whining and that peace would consume me yet again. Plus, the kids have been so wonderful. We now look forward to his coming home really soon. The doctor just removed the chest tube this morning. He will have another chest xray tomorrow morning, then they will get him used to taking oral pain medication. Soon after that he should be headed home. Yahoo! I am sure that is when the fun will start.

Before I forget, remember how I had mentioned the man-nurse on the previous entry? Well, come to find out he was named "Nurse of the Year". Hmm, guess now that he has the award, no use in keeping it up? Tim and I did not care for him. His Mom is much more forgiving and found the good in him. Once again, Mom saves the day. She is the true gem in our lives. Maybe that is why she is so successful in the jewelry business..takes one to know one (Gems, that is). She has been the rock of the family during this whole ordeal(Get it? 'Rock', like diamond? OK, Tim would want me to stop now). Thank you Mom, for everything. It would take me weeks to list all the wonderful things you have done for our family. Just know that we all appreciate and love you very much.

Out of Surgery...again.

Thanks be to God! Tim's surgery went really well. It took a lot longer than expected, so it was another long wait for good news for myself and his parents. When the doctor came out he said they did not have to spread the ribs apart this time and that they just went through the same incision as before. He said that they removed all the blood, fluid, and debris they found. (Tim had told me earlier that both surgeons had told him they had never seen anything like it...leave it to my Timmy to stump the doctor's, huh?) He did mention that they were going to keep a close eye on Tim because it seems that he was bleeding more than most do. He does have the chest tube back in and it will probably be in for a couple of days. Tim's parents and I went to have dinner in the cafeteria while we waited for him to be brought back to ICU from recovery. Can I just tell you that dinner was exceptionally good? Tim's parents really liked it, too. We had a salsa Talapia dish. It was so yummy. Maybe Tim and I can start adding the hospital cafeteria on the list of places to go on our Friday night dates :0).

Tim was back in the ICU at about 8:10pm. He looked a bit pale, but I am sure that is to be expected. He is very, very concerned about the way pain will be managed. We all are. He was so pro-active this time and did discuss with the surgeon that he expected better pain management this time around. He is really on top of it. He is so hungry because he hasn't eaten since yesterday at dinner. He has to wait until breakfast. I must say that he has had the nicest nurses through out this ordeal, but he got a man-nurse this time that isn't very sympathetic. I thank God for his Mom. She is so vigilant and is Tim's faithful advocate. The man-nurse (no offense to men nurse's, ok?!) tried to tell Mom that she did not need to stay. Nice try man-nurse. Don't you dare mess with Mamma White! She said very clearly that she would NOT be leaving his side. I would not have messed with the fury in her eyes. He backed down. I pray he doesn't give them a hard time tonight. Today was a bit tough because the care wasn't as great as before, but I reminded Tim that this is just a clear reminder for us to give it ALL to God. Man will always disappoint us. God will never fail us. We are so grateful that he came out ok. The tell tale will be tomorrow and how his well they take care of the pain.

On a side note, Tim and I knew Jordin would win tonight. Yay! Karizma is not very happy. She was a big Blake fan. I made sure Tim did not mind my leaving him so I could watch the big annoucement. I made it at the absolute perfect time. They were just about to announce the winner. I am so glad I got to share that with the kids. American Idol has been a fun family tradition since Kelly Clarkson.

Tim's #2 Surgery

Today Tim worked very hard on his walking and breathing excercises. However, at about 6pm he got a call from one of the surgeons letting him know that he found a blood clot on the bottom of his right lung and they will have to take him back into surgery tomorrow (at noon) to remove it. As you can imagine it was a devastating blow to us both. But especially to Tim. I know he must have gotten a rush of memories reminding him of how difficult the last week has been. I just miss him so much. Today felt like the first day he was semi coherent, and now he will have to start the process over. I was so upset about it, but then I put it all into perspective. We are so blessed that they found the clot and will remove it so quickly. I know he has a long road ahead of him, but I pray that it will all be worth it.

Miguel and Karizma have been so instrumental in helping us with the boys. The boys do really well with their older brother and sister. This helps them maintain some normalcy. I am so grateful for these wonderful children. They took the news rather well. At least as well as can be expected.

The surgery should be 1.5 hours or so. He will most likely go back into the ICU. (which I will gladly accept b/c the care there is 100% better than on the main floor) My Sweetheart is definitely one of the toughest, strongest, most courageous people I know. I am so blessed to call him my husband.

Tim's Surgery

Tim had spinal surgery on May 17th.

The day of surgery: Tim's parents and I sat in the waiting room for 7.5 hours. My sister drives the baby to the hospital to me twice so I can nurse him. It was great to see the surgeons tell us that they feel the surgery will be a success.

Day One: In ICU. Chest tube in his side used for draining fluids from the surgery site is causing Tim EXTREME pain. It is so hard to see him suffer. I feel so helpless. He has large amounts of fluids coming out from the tube and the doctor's are concerned they may need to reopen the incision and see what is going on. I pray to God that this is not the case. I don't know if he can bare it. He is doing better by noon time. By evening the rages of pain are very difficult to watch. The doctor gives him some extra pain medication and some shots into his shoulder, which seems to be the most painful area for him right now. I have such a hard time leaving him, but I must go nurse the baby. Thank God for his Mom being there, almost on a constant basis. I have to just give this guilty feeling to God.

Day Two: This morning is just as bad as last night. His heart rate is up to 165. He is having a hard time breathing. The doctor's decide it would just be better to remove the chest tube since it seems to be the main cause of pain. Once the tube is removed (you can imagine that was not easy for him) he feels much better. The doctor says it probably removed 75% of his pain. Now he just has to deal with nausea and lightheadedness. He takes a 50 foot walk today. That seemed like it would be impossible the day before.

Day Three: He did not sleep much last night. He has been coughing and says it feels like the incision is being ripped open each time. OUCH! He is so tough and ends up doing a 450 foot lap around the ICU. Later in the day he walks down to the first floor for a catscan. He is making progress, slowly but surely. He is still in a lot of pain, but nowhere near what the first two days were like.

Day Four: He is still in ICU. His Mom said he slept pretty well last night. She is his constant night companion. She is also the person he seems to deal best with. I know I love having my Mom around when I don't feel well. I tell him how much the children miss him. He does 2 laps around the ICU this time. Awesome! He is doing a lot better. He should be getting out of ICU today. I am so exhausted, mentally drained, and miss the kids beyond words, so I am going to stay the evening with the kids tonight. We are having Grandmom's yummy chili for dinner. Tim's Dad will keep him company. I am not having as much issues with guilt as I did the first couple of days. I can't be any good to anyone if I am this tired. I need to have some time to recollect. Hopefully he will sleep well tonight. (change of plans: later at night he was moved to the main floor so the kids got to go visit Daddy. It was so cute to see Zack light up at the sight of Tim. He has been saying da-da since 4.5 months, he's 5.5 months old now, and said "Dad-Dad-Dad" with his huge grin when he saw his Daddy. We had no idea that he knew what that meant. I know, genius, right?!? Modesty has never been my strong suit.)

My first post!

Well, so much to be thankful for. My health, the children, my husband, our home, our salvation...so many things we forget to thank God for, too. I was going to wait until after Tim's spinal surgery to make my first post, but thought it would do me good to post once before. We are looking forward to Tim's surgery. We have really placed all hope in the Lord and are excited at the prospect of Tim being pain free once again. What a year it has been. We have all had to learn to adjust to Tim not being able to do pretty much anything due to his back pain. We all miss our Tim. The one that could swing the boys over his head. The one that loved playing soccer with Karizma barefoot. The one that loved riding rollercoasters with Miguel. We pray that he can once again enjoy all those things. Also, to start enjoying them with his boys. I am being completely honest when I say that I am totally at peace with the surgery and all that it entails. Tim is also handling it well. We have put all our concerns, worries, expectations in God. He carries our burdens.

I am so blessed to have my Mom watching the kids during this ordeal, and Tim's parents there to help with Tim. I can't imagine what life would be like if our parents weren't around. I count on them for so much. My Dad is our handyman. Tim's Dad is our go to guy. My Mom our constant babysitter. Tim's Mom our go to girl. For those of you that need to know what 'go to' means....well they just do it ALL. Thank you Moms and Dads for everything.

I ask that you all please keep Timmy, the kids, and I in your prayers. We have a long 6 weeks coming up and we can use all the support we can get. Here's to my Timmy getting all better!! God willing!