Dear Diary,

I figure when I post about Tim's back pain and issues that go along with it, I would just address it to 'Dear Diary' because it does feel like my blog become like my childhood diary for me...safe, willing to listen, and won't talk back or offer unwanted advice.

Tim just hasn't gotten any better. I am being honest. I don't mean to sound negative, but it is the absolute truth. He just seems to get worse in other physical areas. I pray for him, but not as much as I should. I think I have to give this one to God more than once a day, because I have a hard time letting go and just letting God deal with it all. Funny how I seem to think I will be able to do something to make it all better. The meds just keep getting stronger as time passes, and this seems to affect him very much! He becomes immune to the doses they give, and needs them to be higher and it breaks my heart. Sometimes I go into my 'private cry room'...the shower...and let it all out. STRAIGHT FULL ON SOBBING. I cry out to God with babble because I can't even put into words how much it hurts me to see all the changes in him physically/medically. I hate to see what he is missing, but then am reminded that it could be worse. Enough whining. Thanks for listening, Diary.

Signed,
A wife that has to die to herself daily and give it to God daily