Dear Diary,

Since my last entry, Tim has only worsened. The pain increases, as does the medication. He just started a new one this past week. He is hoping this one will help to take the edge off from when he has to wait to take the 'big' meds. Anyway, this has been the hardest month for our family, as he was bounced from 3 different medications in the course of a month. Of course, this messes with your brain, and thus alters your personality. It is nice to say he is back to the medication that he originally was going to take and it seems to help him. I will be keeping a close eye on him the next few weeks to see how the side effects are (double vision, fatigue, etc) effecting him and hope that the good the medication brings far outweighs the bad.

It broke my heart when early this month he came home with a cane. That was devastating. To see your young, tall, handsome husband having to lean on a cane was very saddening. He only uses it at home. Sometimes when he is home he is just in so much pain that he can't even get out of bed...but this wonderful man still gets up each morning (which are extremely hard on him) to go to work so he can provide for his large family. He never complains about that. I have never, ever heard him complain. Of course, he talks about the pain, although not so much. It is written all over his face and you can't help but not notice when he walks. But, he never complains. I must draw example from my sweet husband, as I tend to keep seeing the glass half-empty. He is the one enduring the difficulties of the pain and all the medication, but he still manages to be a wonderful father and husband.

Like I said, this past month was the hardest, however, I know it was the medication. As soon as he started to take the original one again, he has started to become like himself again. I missed him! With all the pain and medication, Tim is still not completely the person that I married over 7 years ago, but he still does his best to make me feel loved, desired, appreciated, taken care of. (The other night he surprised me with a bubble bath, candlelit bathroom, with a nice clean towel and my favorite magazine to enjoy while I relaxed in the bath. I am blessed. It is easy to dwell in the things that no longer are in our marriage, family, life, but God calls us to rejoice in the day that He has made.

Please continue to pray for healing for my Timmy and for honey on my tongue towards my sweet gift from God, my husband.