Be Careful What You Wish For

I turned 40 back in May, 2012. I knew exactly what I wanted to ask God for on this milestone birthday... for Him to grow me, prune me, and stretch me like never before. Well, you know how people say, "Be Careful what you wish for"? I think we need to be very aware of what we pray for, too. I was asking God for some very BIG things in my life, but I realized I prayed in a way that left how HE would go about doing these things, all up to Him. I laugh now, because I know He is the one that put those precious desires on my heart, to begin with. But, within a few weeks of that big birthday, I was starting to see God giving me my presents (Growing, pruning, stretching) in very life altering ways. I won't go into all the things that have changed in the last 17 months, because it would take me a long time to go through it all, but many of them involved heartache and sorrow filled tears. The one thing that was bigger than the heartache or tears, though, was the peace. I absolutely had an overwhelming sense of peace as we endured some very heavy circumstances. Peace that God was bigger than it all and that He was controlling every aspect of what happened and that He had purpose in allowing us to go through it. All we needed to do was to be joyful in it all.

"GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES; FOR THIS IS THE WILL OF GOD IN CHRIST JESUS FOR YOU." 1Thessalonians 5:18

This verse stated to me that I was to be joyful even as we dealt with an older child that was choosing to make bad choices. This verse meant I was to be joyful as we thanked God for my 8th pregnancy, and then said goodbye to our baby (due to miscarriage)just 2 weeks after. It also meant I had to be joyful as we faced one of the most difficult trials I am sure we will ever face as a family, just a couple months after losing our baby, Shalom. But, what I started noticing is that through it all God was answering my prayer from my birthday 'wish' over, and over, and over, and over! He was doing exactly what I had asked... growing me, pruning me, stretching me! It has been very humbling because I would sometimes feel so overwhelmed with the sadness of my circumstances, and wanted to just crawl under the blankets and cry all day, but His Word has been such a lamp unto my feet this year! I prayed... He answered. BIG TIME. He is faithful! Maybe I would have liked for him to answer it with just fun and happy go lucky circumstances, but I probably wouldn't be where I am in my walk with Christ, if He had done that. I needed to be exposed to the world, the way I have, so that I would grow a heart for the lost. Grow a heart for our brethren that are hurting and falling away. He allowed me to go through it all so that I would cry out, "Abba Father!" And, believe me, I have cried and cried and cried. And, you know what? He answers and comforts me daily.

Through His Word I have been comforted this year like none other. Why? Because I have actually gone to His Word, the Bible, and read it every day for a year(Except 2 that I missed so far in 2013). This means that I am soaking Him up when I am happy, sad, confused, exhuasted, overwhelmed, rejoicing, expectant, etc. I am developing a relationship with my Heavenly Father because I am meeting with Him everyday. I am coming to Him and laying it all at His feet and asking for His guidance, and His hand over my life, and that His will would be done in my life, in Tim's life, and the lives of each of my precious arrows. I had never read my Bible this way before. I would read here and there. I would skip over certain chapters in the Old Testament because they seemed to drag on our seemed unneccesary to me. However, this year, I committed to reading E V E R Y single word. Every single one. And I have been so abundantly blessed because of it.

I know that one of the reasons I have been able to stick to it is because God is using some amazing women in my life. Women that agreed to committ to reading their Bibles along with me this year. Women that agreed to pray everyday and develop a passion for their relationships with God. Our group was meant to help us all be accountable to one another as we strived to grow in these areas. I am eternally grateful for these women. I have been blessed above and beyond as they have encouraged me, prayed for me and with me, and held me accountable. I have learned things from these women, that I hadn't been exposed to before. God is using these godly women to draw me even closer to Him through their examples. I am so thankful for them. I have learned so much about being passion for Him (Thank you, Kim). I have learned so much about transparency (Thank you, Kate). I have learned so much about encouragement (Thank you, Michelle). I have learned so much about compassion (Thank you, Karen). I have learned so much about diligence (Thank you, Kelley). All these women have played a role in my growth this year. I praise God for each of them... for all of the women that have been or still are with the club. You are all such dear friends to me!

So, I prayed for Him to grow me, prune me, stretch me again on my 41st birthday. Was I worried that we would have to go through another difficult and heartwrenching year like the last? No. Now I am equipped for it, because " the Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." Hebrews 4:12

This doesn't mean that I wake up each morning hungering for His Word. There are sweet mornings like that, but many are still filled with thinking I need to get a load of laundry in the washer, or I need to check my email, etc. So, I am still a work in progess. He is still pruning me. He always will be. That is why I am so thankful for the women I call my sisters and my dear friends over at the 31 Club. You, my sweet sisters, are "as iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." Proverbs 27:17

Thank you, Father, for giving me the best birthday gift I have every wished for. Ever. Being drawn closer to you each day has been the sweetest experience of my life. I love you.