Then There Were 8

It's been over 3 years since our 7th arrow was born.

3 fun, busy, beautiful, and full of joy, years.

Our little girl.  My heart's desire.  Tim's answer to prayer.  Karizma's long awaited dream come true.  And, of course, the twinkle in all of her big brothers eyes.

We were able to enjoy a 28 month nursing relationship.  It was something that was so important to me and I loved having the privilege to be my daughter's main source of nourishment for her first year of life.  I believe it helped to build a solid foundation for our relationship as mother and daughter.  She is my little shadow and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Well, maybe one other way.  To see her as a big sister.  That would be the icing on this scrumptious cake I call my life.  Which leads me to the reason for the title of my post.  Our 8th arrow.

To make a short story longer(Hey, I haven't blogged in 1/2 a year, I figure I can stretch it a little.) it all started when Bella was still a newborn.  Tim and I discussed how we truly, truly were going to trust God with my womb this time around.  We weren't going to fall into the traps of fear and the what ifs and fully commit to His plan for our family.  I love surprises, so it was exciting to realize that only He can open or close my womb and that His timing is perfect.  However, I discovered that I was still  struggling with fear and trust.  This time the fear had become, "Will I ever conceive again?  Am I too old?"   My trust issues now revolved around, "Lord, you do realize that time is ticking and Tim really wants another, baby, right?  You do know that children are a gift right, and that we would totally welcome one again, right?"  But, then I would have those days in which I would feel so overwhelming as a mother to 6(1 already with the Lord) that I would mentally agree with Him... now would just not be a good time to have another baby.  I had fear and my sense of trust so mixed up with His sweet, loving will over our lives.

I had been busy during the summer months preparing a study that I was going to share at our churches women's retreat, which got me to thinking and learning.  It put so much into perspective for me and I was able to just start to enjoy the ride.  The ride consisted of sweet, abandoned trust.  Surrender.  A heart seeking and longing to glorify Him in my words, actions, prayers.  (Just thinking about it as I type gives me warm fuzzies.  It is so apparent that He loves me so.)  As I soaked up what the Bible says about Titus 2 and I looked deeper into my role as wife, mother, and daughter of the most high King, He was growing life within me.  My womb was once again filled with LIFE.

I had become preoccupied with an issue with extended family, that I didn't even realize that I may be pregnant.  So, one Sunday afternoon, after looking at my calendar, I realized a pregnancy test might just be in order.  So, after dinner Tim and I went to Walmart to pick one out.  I went and grabbed one of the more expensive ones... you know the ones that read either 'pregnant' or 'not pregnant', so that there is no question.  In the meantime, Tim went to a new aisle that he coined the '88 cent aisle'.  He was so excited that he had found a pregnancy test for $.88 and insisted that I take that one.  I had been knee deep in my Titus 2 study and learning about loving my husband and submitting to him, that as much as I wanted to say, "Are you kidding me with your 88 cent test, when this may be a pivotal moment in our life?!", I chose to say, "OK, Babe."  When we got in line he ran back to grab my test and made only one request, that I take the 88 cent test first, to prove that it worked just as well as the $9.00 test.

I took the 88 cent test when we got home and it was... positive.  Sort of.  I mean at first there was no line, when Tim read it.  But, then he pulled it out of the trash to check it again and there was a faint line.  So, we decided to wait  until all our 6 children were gathered around and I took the $9.00 test(In my defense, this box contained 2 test, and another free one, so they were actually $3.00 a pop.  Not bad, in my book).  Tim then held it so he could be the one to announce the results to all of us... he had always wanted to be the first to know.  It was so sweet to be able to look into Tim's eyes as they lit up.  It was heart warming to watch the kids get so excited as their Daddy informed them that we would be having another baby!  The test was positive!

We rejoiced as a family and cried many 'happy tears' as Zack put it and shared the news with family and our church family within the week.  Our hearts were overjoyed and I made a paper chain that I proudly displayed in our living room, to count down the days for Bella's baby to arrive.  Yes, Bella's baby.  (I must tell you that she had asked me just 2 days before I found out I was pregnant why she wasn't a 'big sister' and I said that it was because it was up to God and that Karizma had prayed for a baby sister for 12 years before she got one.  Well, Bella prayed that one time and got her heart's desire, so she assured us it was her baby and she was now officially a BIG SISTER.)

Just under 2 weeks after finding out that we were expecting our 8th arrow, I showed signs of miscarriage during week 6 of pregnancy.  We went to the hospital and it was confirmed.  As I got dressed and faced the loss of our baby, I was overcome with such peace and joy in the beauty of trusting Him.  My dear husband held me as I wept and prayed for me and I knew that He was in this very moment and knew exactly what was best for our family.

I imagined it would be difficult to tell the kids.  Their reaction to the miscarriage was touching.  They were sad, but also very sweet and tender towards me as I faced a painful (mostly physically) weekend.  Belle had the most godly perspective.  She reminded us that she was STILL a big sister.  She recognized that this baby had been alive and growing in my womb and nothing was ever going to change that.  What beautiful assurance her response reminded me of... that because I have trusted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I would be spending all eternity with Him and one day meet our baby from the first miscarriage, Elijah, and now looked forward to meeting another baby when I get to go HOME... HOME to be with my Heavenly Daddy someday.

I learned so much about myself during those 2 beautiful weeks with our 8th child.  I learned that God has not given me the spirit of fear, but of power and love and self control(2 Timothy 1:7).  I learned that the righteous are bold as a lion and God had used this baby to have me become bolder than I had ever imagined I would become during that month(Proverbs 28:1)!  But, what really was echoing in my ear was peace.  Abundant peace. Peace that surpasses all understanding.  Even through a loss such as this.  Peace that when sown in righteousness harvests peace by those who have sown it(James 3:18)!  Which made naming our baby simple.

Our 8th arrow is named Shalom.  The meaning of Shalom is not just that of peace in Hebrew, but so much more.  The meaning of Shalom truly enveloped what this baby had come to mean to me in this very short time, and what my life was experiencing through some difficult trials at the time.  I loved this definition of the meaning:
Most know that the Hebrew word shalom is understood around the world to mean "peace." However, "peace" is only one small part of the meaning. "Shalom" is used to both greet people and to bid them farewell, and it means much more than "peace, hello or goodbye"....

Hebrew words go beyond their spoken pronunciation. Each Hebrew word conveys feeling, intent and emotion. Shalom is more then just simply peace; it is a complete peace. It is a feeling of contentment, completeness, wholeness, well being and harmony.

According to Strong's Concordance 7965 Shalom means completeness, wholeness, health, peace, welfare, safety soundness, tranquility, prosperity, perfectness, fullness, rest, harmony, the absence of agitation or discord. Shalom comes from the root verb shalom meaning to be complete, perfect and full. In modern Hebrew the obviously related word Shelem means to pay for, and Shulam means to be fully paid.

 So, we are happy to announce that our quiver now holds 8 arrows.  We look forward to one day being in the presence of our Savior and meeting Elijah and Shalom.