...As Long As I'm Living My Baby You'll Be

I remember when I first bought this book for you. And I would read it to you before bed, and even had a little tune to go along with the song. Remember? I would say to you out of the blue sometimes, I love you forever, I love you for always. As long as i'm living, my baby you'll be. Remember? I knew I was raising a son that would fit the description of the son taking care of his mother in her old age. I knew you would grow up to make me proud and so blessed to be your mother. Even at your tender age of 16, you have proven to be so much more wonderful than my dreams could have ever imagined, Miguel. You are really a mother's dream. Yes, even through your 'annoying' moments, you are still a mother's dream. Because, those are so few and far between compared to the joy and pride you have brought to me and your Dad, your siblings, your grandparents, and so many more family and friends.

When finding out I was pregnant with you, I was so scared. I knew that God had a calling on my life and I could no longer be selfish. I was going to be a mother. Someone's mommy. I resolved to get my life back on track and start walking with the Lord again. I had spent a couple of years wandering and trying to turn my back on HIM, but HE used you, my sweet son, to bring me back to HIM. Do you see that from conception God had a marvelous plan to use you for HIS glory?!?!

Then the minute you were born...it truly is indescribable. You looked right at me and I knew that I had NEVER in my life known love like this before. It was overwhelming and I recall spending the next 15 hours just holding you, staring at you, crying at the new and amazing gift God had so lovingly bestowed upon me. Having you in my life was really one of the only sweet things in my life those first few years. Your smile and gentleness was what kept me afloat in the midst of so much turmoil. God used you to keep me focused on HIM. He used you to remind me of JESUS' promise that He is always faithful and you became a beacon of hope for me.

As you grew, you continued to amaze me with how quickly you learned to talk and ponder life questions like "Where do babies come from?" You always had a knack for embarrassing me in public. You had to take on a 'man of the house' role very early in life. I would say I am sorry, because it was not a life for a little man, but you have grown so much from those experiences and I wouldn't trade them for anything. I do believe they are what molded you into the loving, caring, and sensitive young man you are now. Just writing this out is really humbling me, because I realize how much I learned from you, Buddy. Remember how you would help me carry ALL the groceries to our apartment by yourself at 5 years old? you insisted because you were the 'man of the house'. And remember when Dad(Tim) and I first started dating...well, we had actually been seeing eachother for several months before you met him, but it was cute to see how protective you were over me. You probably didn't see it as cute, but saw it as your job. Bless your heart for doing it. You would sit between us on the couch and when it was your bedtime, you would politely walk to the front door letting Tim know it was time for him to go, and then escort him out. Remember the day Dad and I got married, and you were crying afterwards because you were so overcome with happiness? You said the tears were from being so happy from seeing me so happy. You have always been so grown up, Miguel. Remember how excited and proud you were at becoming a 'White' when Dad adopted you and Karizma? You seemed to stand taller that day. You held your little head so high.

(Miguel at age 14 with Grandma Murph, whom I believe was probably one of his biggest fans. I know she would be so proud of the young man he is turning out to be.)



Then there is your role as big brother. Honestly, how can I even begin to put that into words? How can I describe in a few sentences what I know you have come to mean to Karizma and the boys, and surely what you will mean to your baby sister, Isabella. Watching how you love them, take care of them, want the best for them...well, it does make me realize you will make an amazing father someday. That I would stake my life on. However, I am so thankful for the example God has given you in Dad. What a blessing to see the relationship God has given you both. Besides the obvious lack of looking like father and son, you both have truly become so close and I LOVE to see you together. I know he is just as proud of you, if not prouder, Bud. So, I know I don't thank you enough for being such a great big brother and son to Dad. I was blessed beyond measure by God choosing you to be the firstborn.



Look, I could write for days and days about how much you have brought into my life, but I think the sentence that sums it up for me, is that you love me...through all we have been through, you love me. You have watched me grow into a mom, wife, Christian, teacher. You have seen me at my best and worst. You have learned to know when I need space and when I need a hug. You are one of the most attentive people I have ever encountered in my life, and God brought you into my life! What did I ever do to deserve such a sweet, loving, funny, handsome, thoughtful, hardworking, intelligent, selfless son like you? Nothing...it is only by God's grace that he brought an arrow like you into my life. And, I will forever sing HIM praises for doing so. I thank JESUS I can be the proud one to say, "He is my son!"



So, do you understand now, my Son, why Dad and I work so hard to preserve the gift God has brought into our lives...you? Why we want to help you make wise and Godly choices with your life? Why I discuss purity with you on a regular basis? Because you are more precious than gold to me. You are more valuable than any thing that this world could produce. You are my son. You are my baby, and as long as i'm living, my baby you'll be.

I love you, Bud. Happy 16th Birthday!

xoxo, Mom