Dear Diary,

It has been a rough couple of months. All the different medications made for a husband that was not quite himself. However, through trial and error, he has decided to have to deal with the pain between his big meds and not take the anti-depressants that were supposed to help with his chronic pain. Although they were given to him in low dosages they still really altered his personality. That was hard, because (and don't tell him I said so) I love his sense of humor and was really beginning to miss his bad jokes. So, he has weaned himself off those and it has been a nice few days getting reacquainted with my sweetheart.

We did have quite a scare on Monday morning. He drove to work and once he pulled into the parking lot he called me and said he could not feel his upper left leg. It had gone totally numb and whenever he tried to get up or move his leg he would get shooting pains up and down it. He described this pains like something out of a dental visit. He said to imagine having your mouth numb, but then the dentist touches a nerve and it pierces through you so painfully. Ouch. I did not like imagining that and it broke my heart that he was having to endure this, and by himself. Thank God that the hospital is only 2 miles away. He drove himself there. As always, we can count on his parents to be the most devoted people we know and they dropped everything to go be with him. It took forever for him to get seen and of course after a sonogram, MRI, and check-up they sent him home with some medication and no answers. That is sooo frustrating!! When he got home it was incredibly sad to see him getting from the front door to the bedroom (maybe 20 feet and it took him about 5 minutes). He could not straighten his back. It reminded me of some sad and sick looking character out of 'Lord of the Rings' with the cane and how he was hunched over.

He did try to go without the cane yesterday morning but said he almost fell over. So, he is now using it in public. I know that he must be in tremendous pain to have to resort to using the cane all day. He is afraid of becoming dependent on it (we both are), so he tried again this morning. He was able to do pretty ok, but is walking so stiff and so slow. I admire this man so much. He works so hard to provide for his family and this past weekend he said some things to me that (if possible) made me love him more than ever. I will post about that soon, but later, as it is definitely a very important part of our story as a couple and as a family. So, although it breaks my heart to see him having to use the cane, he is looking quite sexy as he also has some 'scruff' going on. For those of you that don't know what scruff is, it is what Karizma lovingly calls it when he lets his 5 o'clock shadow grow out. Every once in awhile, he will grow it out for her, because she begs him. He is letting his face 'rest', he said. I don't tell him how handsome I think he looks with it because his head is having a hard time fitting through the door. He does consider himself quite cute. I will take a picture of him and his scruff and cane and post it later.

Please continue to pray for Timmy as I know that the Lord has great plans for us. Plans to prosper us and not harm us. Plans to give us a hope and a future! (Jer 29:11)